we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
