i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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