I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
