also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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