WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
