why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
