Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
