Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
