i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
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