I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
