Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
