Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
