Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
