So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My dad is sitting where you rode me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
