He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
