I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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