don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My breasts were aching with rage.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
