Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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