I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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