am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
