I feel great
I just peed on a car
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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