Michael Bay diarrhea
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
