You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
