Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
