i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
