lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
