the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
