After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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