Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
