true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
