My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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