did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
