? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
