Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
