My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
