Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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