I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
