garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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