Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
