My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
