I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
