eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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