How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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