Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
