I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
