Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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