even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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