I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
