Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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