I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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