the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
