i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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