When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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