i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
