Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
