420 ftw
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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