I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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