Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
